When Abandonment Lingers: Choosing Healing Over Hiding

Subtle ways that abandonment wounds show up in our lives.

Photo by KEITH WONG on Unsplash

I’ve always been a church kid. I loved sitting with my friends during service, catching laughs and sneaking jokes when we should’ve been paying attention. We didn’t take much seriously back then—and honestly, it made life feel light and joyful.

But adulthood shifted everything.

Now, I find myself taking life too seriously. Relationships feel heavy. I struggle to connect with people the way I desire. And under it all, there’s a quiet sting—the lingering fear of abandonment.

Somewhere along the way, I began to believe that if someone entered my life, they were meant to stay forever. But more often than not, that wasn’t the case. Whether we label people as lessons, assignments, or destiny helpers, the truth is: it still hurts when they leave.

I've been hesitant to make new friends because of that fear. Every time I start to open up, it seems like people disappear. The moment I become vulnerable with a man, the inconsistency creeps in. And I’m left wondering: What does someone who craves closeness do when no one seems to want to get close?

I’ve learned that this deep desire must be covered and guarded by God. If not, it can lead me down dangerous emotional paths—seeking validation, attaching too quickly, or trying to fill voids left by people who were never equipped to love me properly in the first place.

Yes, I enjoy my quiet time. But there’s a loneliness that’s been growing heavier. It’s not about being alone—it’s about fearing the pain that comes when someone does get close and then walks away. That pain cuts deep, and I’m just now beginning to confront it.

This past year shook me to my core. I was still trying to be the fun, loving, life-of-the-party kind of woman. But behind the smile, I was craving love and attention so deeply that being ghosted left a wound I didn’t know how to process.

Abandonment shows up in places we don’t expect:

• When someone leaves for work.

• When your kids head to school while you work alone from home.

• When dates and plans are canceled.

• When your business loses a client or a subscriber.

• When you're met with silence instead of the emotional response you were hoping for.

It shows up everywhere—even while you’re still showing up for others, even while God continues to use you.

I’m still learning how to walk through this. I’m still learning to extend love with boundaries. I want to help people—but sometimes, only from a distance. Because I’m constantly trying to protect my heart from breaking again.

I don’t fully know how I got here. But I do know that healing begins with honesty. And this—these words—are my first step.

If this resonates with you, hear me clearly:

What we hide from God will slowly eat us alive.
What we try to handle alone will eventually break us down.
What we ignore will resurface—somewhere else, some other way—until we face it and let God heal it.

Healing doesn’t always come instantly, but it will come.

Even now, while navigating this season of emotional weariness, I believe there’s purpose in it. I believe God is using it to reveal, to refine, and to restore me.

So I choose to show up anyway. I choose to lead in my business while still tending to my soul. I choose to be present for others, but most importantly, to be present for me—to deal with the root, not just the symptoms.

This is how I heal.

And maybe, just maybe, it’ll help you start your healing too.