Im Avoiding My Assignment...again!

If it requires more faith, I want no parts!

I did an interview with someone God connected me to through one of my “assignment events”. Check it out HERE!

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I’ve been in this weird place with my faith lately.

I’ve been striving to be productive in my business. Every day, I’m doing something. I’m submitting grants. Sending proposals. Applying for contract opportunities. Updating documents. Looking for the next opportunity.

And none of those things are bad. In fact, they’re necessary. But I realized something recently...

The things I’ve been doing are the things that don’t require much faith.

Submitting a proposal is easy. Once I hit “submit,” it’s out of my hands. Same thing with grants. I do my part and wait for someone else’s decision. But the things God has specifically been showing me to do? Those are the things I’ve been procrastinating.

Hosting more networking events. Hosting paid workshops. Creating consistent content to build my brand. Showing up online. Putting myself out there more.

Every time I think about doing those things, I feel anxiety.

Not because I don’t know how.

I’ve hosted events before.

I’ve taught workshops before.

I know how to create content.

So why am I avoiding them?

The answer wasn’t what I expected.

It’s because those things require faith.

Real faith.

The kind of faith where you’re exposed. The kind where you have to put your name on something and hope people show up. The kind where you announce a workshop before anyone has registered. The kind where you consistently post content before you have the audience you want.

I realized I haven’t been avoiding work.

I’ve been avoiding vulnerability.

After walking through what felt like a losing season, I don’t think I’ve fully recovered from the disappointment. Disappointment has a way of making you play it safe. You don’t stop working. You just start choosing work that feels emotionally safer. Work where rejection doesn’t feel so personal. Work where your confidence isn’t on the line. Work where if nothing happens, you can simply move on to the next application.

But obedience doesn’t usually work like that.

God keeps bringing me back to the things that make me uncomfortable.

Not because they’re impossible. Because they require me to trust Him. Then I noticed this wasn’t just showing up in my business.

It followed me to the gym.

Lately I’ve been saying I want to sculpt my back. I’ve saved a hundred inspo pictures and exercises to help me achieve this goal and yet I keep settling for the treadmill.

There’s nothing wrong with cardio. But cardio isn’t what produces the result I desire.

It’s just easier. It requires less discomfort. Less effort. Less risk of feeling weak.

And I had to ask myself...

How many areas of my life have I started settling for “easy” because “hard” reminds me that I could be disappointed again? That’s what fear does. It doesn’t always stop you from moving. Sometimes it just redirects your energy toward things that feel safer.

You stay busy. You stay productive. But you quietly avoid the very thing God told you to do. And I think that’s where I’ve been. I’ve mistaken productivity for obedience.

I’ve been asking God to bless my business while avoiding the assignments that require the greatest amount of faith. Not because I don’t believe He can do it, but because I’m scared of what it’ll feel like if it doesn’t happen the way I imagined.

Upon realizing all of this, I can honestly say I feel my faith coming back.

At the end of the day, I know I’m called to this. That has never changed. What changed was my confidence after experiencing disappointment.

Last night I attended an event filled with powerful Black women. We shared stories, laughed together, cried together, and encouraged one another. At one point, I opened up about losing my apartment and my car while following what I believed God was calling me to do. I even shared how that season caused me to lose faith not necessarily in God, but in what I thought following Him was supposed to look like.

I expected obedience to produce immediate fruit. Instead, it produced loss before it produced growth.

But listening to those women share their own stories reminded me that perseverance isn’t something you read about. It’s something you live through. Every woman in that room had a story. Every woman had experienced setbacks. Yet every single one of them was still showing up.

Something shifted in me.

Instead of drowning in my fears, I decided to get back up. And honestly...I’ve been doing just that.

I’m hosting my next networking event on July 9th in Baton Rouge. If you’re a creative, entrepreneur, or someone looking to connect with other ambitious people in the city, I’d love to see you there. RSVP Here!

The more I think about it, the more I realize my desire to see creatives and entrepreneurs thrive in Baton Rouge isn’t just a business idea. I really believe there’s an assignment attached to it.

Funny how fear had me isolating myself when the very thing I needed was community.

My faith is coming back.

I believe the disappointment wasn’t meant to destroy me. It was meant to teach me resilience. It was meant to show me that receiving an assignment from God doesn’t exempt you from the work. If anything, it requires even more of it.

I spent so much time trying to run from the assignment because I wanted to avoid the disappointment that came with it. Now I’m realizing the disappointment was part of the assignment too.

Eventually, someone will buy the offer. More people will show up to the events. The workshops will fill. The opportunities will come. And one day my career will look a lot like the vision God placed in my heart years ago.

Not because it happened overnight, but because I kept showing up after every reason to quit.

Maybe this was part of His plan after all.

Maybe He wasn’t just building the business.

Maybe He was building the woman who would be trusted to carry it.

But maybe that’s what faith has always been. Not waiting until you’re confident. Not waiting until the anxiety goes away. Not waiting until the outcome feels guaranteed. Maybe faith is doing the thing anyway. Maybe the assignments I’ve been avoiding are actually the ones God wants to use the most.

Maybe the events, the workshops, and the content aren’t just business strategies.

Maybe they’re invitations to trust Him again.

And maybe this season isn’t about building my business.

Maybe it’s about rebuilding my faith.